Life is but
by Longing Mauve
Summary: Lagertha and Bishop Heahmund. What is love? Is the love of god stronger than the love he has for a woman? My first attempt at writing and publishing anything. Show mercy.


**Lagertha and Heahmund – Life is but … (Vikings)**

_**Do not own anything. **__**No Copyright Infringement Intended. Thank you, Michael Hirst, for creating one of the most romantic couples ever. Thank you for creating some of the most romantic moments ever … **_

Life is but a sequence of fleeting moments - probably the ones you see before you die ... The ones so difficult to grasp and to relive, yet they are here, deep within you, nurturing your soul ...

Where did it all start? Perhaps here, perhaps sooner:

You've saved my life. Thank you.

But if I had not spared your life, you would now be in heaven. I believe you are a Christian priest. Isn't that where you would prefer to be?

I am a priest. But I am also a man. I love God. I also love life.

And what is it about life that you love so much?

Its joy. Its pain.

And do you love human beings?

Our Lord loved all human beings. His love was 'Agape'. Not 'Eros'. A great embracing love.

And do you have that same embracing love, priest? Do you love men and women just the same?

Hm … I'm not our Lord. Agape is too hard for me. I love women. Not just spiritually.

We have no problems loving in spirit and the flesh. Our gods encourage it.

And you have no guilt? No remorse?

No.

I envy you. … I have spent many years of my life living sinfully. Even in my thought.

You're funny - your thoughts are your thoughts. But if you do terrible things, that is different.

Why didn't you kill me?

I don't know. Perhaps we'll find out.

And then:

What are you doing?

I wanted to talk to you.

What did you want to talk to me about?

Everything: the gods, life and death, my soul, the hanged man, .. despair, hope … eternal life.

Why with me?

I think you may know some of the answers.

What gave you that idea?

Huh …. Do you believe in fate?

Of course, _she says, looking at him and blowing out a candle. _

Then fate has brought us together.

Don't flatter yourself, _she says, crushing out the flame of another candle with her fingers._

_He laughs._ No, I think we are equals. I think you know that too. I'm interested in you. Fascinated. I want to know more. _He makes a few steps towards her, with difficulty, limping, and supporting himself on a pole._ I think we have more in common than you know. And there is some urgency to this conversation.

_She turns and looks at him:_ What is so urgent, priest?

I know we're gonna fight again. And soon.

You don't have to fight for us.

Huh, of course I do. It's why you saved my life. you hoped that I would take up my sword and fight for you – against Ivar.

Will you? _She steps towards him._

_He looks at her closely: _I will fight for YOU, Lagertha. I will die … for YOU.

_She looks at him, her eyes revealing her emotions, blows out another candle next to them, then turns and walks away, in almost complete darkness now:_ Even though you don't know me?

Huh … Oh, I know you. I've known YOU …. my whole life.

_She turns and looks at him, her voice thick with emotion, her eyes full to the brim_: You really want to sin again…? _she says, blowing out the last candle. _

He offers her his allegiance:

I've come to offer you my fealty, Queen Lagertha. My sword is at your service. Now, and forever.

And later, before the battle with Ivar:

If we live, Heahmund, so be it; we might find some happiness in Kattegat. But if we die, I doubt I shall see you again, for you will be in your heaven, which is not part of this world, I think, …

I have no intention of dying. Not today. Not yet. I'm not ready, _he smirks._

You still think it's up to you whether you live or die, _she asks._

Yes, _he says looking at her_.

I think I might die this day.

No, _he shakes his head._

Kiss me one last time.

_He takes a step towards her, taking her head in his hands, smiling, and kisses her. _

Now I can die.

After the battle:

Do you want to go back? _asks Lagertha about going to England._

I think so. Yes. For your sake as much as mine.

And will you be bishop again … of your church? Will you be Bishop Heahmund again?

I think King Aethelwulf will fully restore me. We're old allies. _He then stops, looks around and says to her_: the bishop of the Holy Church must be celibate. I cannot acknowledge you. I cannot openly live with you.

Does that make you sad?

Huh, _... he rolls his eyes…_ What do you think?

Well, I HOPE it makes you sad.

I cannot give you up, _he then says through his teeth._ Even though it goes against my teachings … my faith, my church, my being in Christ. _He sighs:_ I've known desire for women before and renounced it and found the path back to Christ, but you … I cannot renounce you. You are an incredible woman, Lagertha. Our god must have meant for us to meet.

On their way to England:

You meant what you said, didn't you?

What I said …?

That you would protect us. Not feed us to the wolves.

Why would I lie to you?

Because you are back in England.

Yeah.

Because it makes everything different.

Are you afraid … that I'll betray you?

Not afraid. I just wonder.

Why would I betray you? I love you.

And then in England:

Are you here? _she asks, with a torch in her hand, looking for him._

My love, _he kisses her. _So you are going to fight King Harald and your own kind. How do you feel?

King Harald has always been my enemy.

I thank the Lord God that you are here beside me… that we may live or die together. Miserable sinner that I am.

Are you sure? _She pulls back:_ Are you not afraid that for this love, your god will forsake you?

Yes, I fear the Lord. But now, in this moment, I desire you more. You are so beautiful. So … alive. I would go to hell for you, Lagertha.

Yet, gods are jealous and demanding, it seems.

I must renounce you. I must renounce our love.

I don't understand. What has happened?

The Lord came to me last night. He showed me a vision … a vision of hell… and the damned. They must endure its fires for all eternity. … And I was afraid, _he almost whispers_.

_She approaches him, caressing him:_ You? Afraid?

Yes. Yes.

But it was just a dream.

No. In my vision, the Lord, our God, spoke to me. He told me that I must renounce my sinful ways once and for all…. Or I would never see his divine face … I would never hear his divine voice…. Only screams and lamentations of the damned … you weren't there, you didn't see what I saw…

_Kneeling in front of him, she says:_ You can't do this. You can't do this to me, I thought you loved me. _He doesn't look at her, he doesn't say anything, suffering inside. She stands up:_ You know something? _He lifts his eyes and looks at her_. I think you've always loved your Lord, your God more than you ever loved me. I don't think that you ever did love me. _He averts his eyes again, hurting, almost crying silently._ Your soul, _she pressed her finger on his chest:_ or whatever THAT is, meant more to you than I ever could. _She walked away and left him sobbing, looking up at his God for approval and understanding. _

And the next morning, with the whole army gathered, before the battle of Marton, he gives a speech, at the end of which, he kisses his cross. And then looks to the left, at Lagertha. And she couldn't help but look at him.

During the battle, he stops and looks at her again, smiling. An arrow hits him. He seems almost surprised. And then another, and yet another … He cries out her name … looking for her … and then his body is pierced with a sword and he cries out her name again, desperately … their eyes finally meet, for the last time …. And her heart is shattered with grief … she knows now that he loved her …

Life is but a sequence of fleeting moments - probably the ones you see before you die ... The ones so difficult to grasp and to relive, yet they are here, deep within you, nurturing your soul ... torturing your soul …

Before he died, Heahmund must have seen those - the important ones, the ones he had to give up in order not to renounce his god ... And yet, he might not have wanted to live any more without her. He might have felt that life was not worth living without Lagertha - that he wanted to die. The pain he felt when renouncing her, telling her he could not be with her any longer, must have felt worse than hell ... In his dying moments, he must have realised that he would rather die, having made peace with his god, than live without her. Still, he could not but want her, he longed to look into her eyes one last time, ... And he cried out her name, the only, the last thing on his mind ... Lagertha! Lagerthaaaaaa! ...


End file.
